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Carnivores Injury Report
22 Mike "Mini" Stroney
INJURY: Gluteus Maximus
Cornerback Michael Stroney sustained an injury to his Gluteus Maximus on Monday that should cause him to 'sit' out at least a week of training. The injury was caused by an acute towel snap to his left buttock from teammate Chuck House. The 389-pound Guard was engaging in friendly horseplay in the locker room and apparently misjudged his own strength.
"I heard the impact from the shower," reported fellow Cornerback Sam Berguesa. "It sounded like a sonic boom and Mike just crumpled to the floor. He said he couldn't feel his legs for about an hour afterwards."
11 Nick Hampton
INJURY: Shoulder
Third string quarterback Nick Hampton dislocated the shoulder on his throwing arm Sunday, which could cause him to sit out the first few weeks of the regular season. The 26-year-old player reportedly had his arm sticking out the window of the team bus when it hit a road sign.
"We passed a bus stop and I tried to grab the hat off this guy's head," stated Hampton. "I got the fedora but I fumbled it when my arm smacked a "No Littering" sign. My mom always said: 'Don't stick your arm near other people's hats.' I should have listened to her."
29 Chip Enfisch
INJURY: Hamstring
Running Back Chester Enfisch pulled his hamstring trying to lift an Ultimate Cheeseburger during practice last week. Enfisch had reportedly sneaked the burger into practice and dropped it on the field. Trying to hide it from the coaches, he picked the massive burger up too fast, pulling his right hamstring. Enfisch will be out for at least three days.
Trainer James Dandy made a statement yesterday to concerned fans. "Chip will be as good as new in a few days. He asked to practice through his injury but I denied his request because that wouldn't help him heal, it would only make things worse. I mean, you don't pour water on a grease fire."
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